I have tried both of your recommended programs for finding trojans or malware, both in and out of safe mode. Nothing was detected. At all. I already have both Malwarebytes and Hitman Pro, neither of which, again, have detected anything amiss. ESET sysinspector also already came with my copy of Smart Security, though I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. Everything I click on lists the status as "(Whatever number it's assigned):Unknown" Anywho, here's a link to the compressed log. I suppose maybe someone else can make sense out of it. hxxp://www.4shared.com/zip/6Ji4-WUs/SysInspector-KITSUNE-131112-20.html
Update: So, after triaging my computer in safe mode and doing a Kapersky TDSSKiller scan, a trojan scan, and an EMI scan, exactly zip has been detected. I have no idea what in the WORLD is going wrong here, but I'm starting to freak out a little.